jettisons | week three, sunday night

[ At some point during the executions, the knot in the sleeve of her dress had come loose, causing it to dangle awkwardly around her sundered arm. With her legs dangling in the clean pool of the springs, Lucina is struggling to fix it. It's difficult with one hand.

Hearing Bellamy's soft voice, her name, she looks up. He may notice the lingering blood stain on the hem of her dress, bunched up around her knees.

Or, he may notice her expression, calm but with - a certain sadness, a very old type of sadness.

It's been a difficult few days. A difficult week. ]

Bellamy. Is something the matter?

[ DOES SHE NEED TO PUT OUT ANOTHER FIRE... ]

[It's only when he feels he has permission that he closes the distance to sit down beside her. The dress is a welcome distraction, and he reties it easily, although he does it far more gently and slowly than necessary. He's not sure he can bring himself to look at her.]

Too many things to list.

[But of course she asks, as if she's ready to spring to action and fix it. He should have expected it.]

[ Realising his intent, she lets go of her sleeve before he takes over the effort. Letting their hands touch may prove dangerous, and she's - she's weary of danger.

And, well -- Yes. That too. Blood lining the sand. A girl who won't smile anymore. ]

Yes, I know what you mean.

[ Fighting a post-apocalyptic war in a hellscape, and failing to win that war... Lucina can't help but compare that situation with this one now, unsure of which was truly worse. She knows she never wants to go back to the world of her time, even if it could sustain life. On the other hand, part of her misses the simplicity of knowing everyone was already dead, of knowing that she couldn't do any worse than she had already done. She had failed then, and is doomed to fail again here, it seems.

She can't even deal with her own godsdamn sleeve without help. It speaks volumes.

For Bellamy, and no one else, she allows some of it to show on her face. ]

I know today felt like a cruel blow, and it feels like there's no use progressing forward against such insurmountable opposition. If I knew the right words to ease everyone's pain, I would. [ For a warrior - a former warrior, she notes, thinking again of her arm - such things aren't in her wheelhouse. ] ... I think we simply have to continue on.

Edited 2017-08-27 20:48 (UTC)

It isn't your job to make us all feel better. You don't have to fix everything on your own.

[He exhales, pulling his hands away and staring down at the water. He thought once they made it to the Ark, they'd have a break. Five years of recycled water and algae and MREs, a hell of a lot of hard work and doubt, but at least they'd be free from the constant war they'd been fighting. Now they're here, and nothing feels different. His shoulders hunch slightly, head dropping.]

I'm so tired of watching people die, Lucina.

[ Of course has to fix everything, people keep asking her to!!

It also seems quite contrary to her, for him to tell her she doesn't have to do everything on her and then confess his own exhaustion. Against that, how can she do anything but try to comfort him?

There's so little she can offer him. She's not even whole anymore. It's a good thing no one ever taught Lucina how to stop, or even slow down. ]

So am I.

[ Hesitating for a moment, she decides to share something that she's told no one else - at least, not of sound mind. He'll be the third to know, but the first she's actively choosing to tell. ]

I was a queen back where I came from. That is, I should have been. By the time I was old enough to assume the crown, there were none left with the authority to coronate me. My people - the ones that didn't starve to death, or die of exposure - were cut down by an army of the risen dead. I lived long enough to see the world perish, not just my nation.

[ It's a story with a happy ending, but that particular ending doesn't belong to her. ]

I'm afraid... I never learned how to do anything but watch people die. [ :( ]

Edited 2017-08-27 21:54 (UTC)

[Bellamy lets that hang for a moment, just staring into the water. He doesn't know her well enough yet to know if she's looking for comfort or just acknowledgement.]

I'm sorry, Lucina.

[It's impossible for him to imagine. The Ark had been hard. Earth had been hard, but at least he was never alone. He can't fathom that even if she survives, that's all she's going back to.]

After this... When we figure out a way home, you can come back with Raven and I. If that's what you want.

[ If that's what she wants...

Finding this island through an Outrealm, skinning her teeth for survival, becoming something crippled -- Now, she's being invited to a life that sounds as bleak as the one she came from, except she's less than she was.

The strange thing is, she does want it. She doesn't want to return to the Ylisse of her parent's time, where everything is good and green and plentiful, where there are people left who know her name and love her. She fought too long and saw too much to exist in that peace, could never resign herself to the idea that things are calm. Precariousness moves her hands, for all that she claims to want a quiet life. Lucina has no idea how she would live to old age, or at all.

Yet, panic fills her mouth, an ashen dizziness that leaves her floundering. It's too much kindness, she doesn't know how to deal with it.

More than going with him, she wants him - and everyone - to let her go.

Lucina covers her mouth with a hand, struggling against a faint sob. ]

[It's a far more emotional response than he was expecting, and for a moment, he thinks he's said something wrong. More likely, this was the final breaking point of weeks of stress, weeks of grief and anger, and all Bellamy can do is wrap both arms around her and pull her close, his voice low.]

Hey. Hey, Lucina, listen to me. You're okay. You're safe.

[For now. Even as he says them, the words feel empty, but he finds himself wanting to believe them for her sake.]

[ She finds herself sagging, finding some relief in surrendering to his embrace, in letting someone else hold her upright for a moment. Burying her face in his shoulder, he'll feel the faint, brittle warmth of tears - hot, but not longlasting. Lucina is able to regain control over her emotions without much fuss.

In a broken voice, she finds herself asking -- ]

Will you... will you tell me I can do this?

[ People keep telling her she doesn't have to, and that's great in theory, but... She does.

And the only other person who knew how she truly felt is dead now. ]

[Lucina might be good at this, but Bellamy has always struggled to keep his emotions in check, and her tears are almost enough to set him off. He swallows, squeezing his eyes shut.]

You can do this, Lucina. You're strong. We're all here with you.

[ They're not, not really -- but, obviously, she can't say this. If Bellamy believes it, and she wants to believe it... Maybe the past few days aren't so indicative.

Lucina doesn't believe in rock bottom anymore, hasn't for a long time. But, maybe this trial was close enough to change things.

She vastly prefers his hope to her own despair.

Quietly -- ] Thank you.

[ Leaning back now, away from his embrace. It takes longer for her hand to let go of his shirt than anything else. ]

[He's not sure how hopeful he's feeling anymore, but he can fake it for her. Bellamy has never been able to do anything else but keep going, even when his mother was floated and his sister was locked up, even when he was certain he was going to die on that dropship with Octavia. He's not sure there's a way out of this, and he's not sure there's a way he can protect anyone with any certainty, but he can't let her know that.]

It sounds like most of us don't come from the nicest places.

[ In all the excitement of their embrace, her stupid sleeve came loose again. Lucina, once again, fumbles to fix it. She's getting a little better. Not much! ... Not at all. ]

No, I suppose not.

[ One survivor tends to recognise another. ]

... Would you like to talk about home?

Edited (WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS TAG) 2017-08-28 00:48 (UTC)

[He slips the sleeve back on, the motion automatic as he nods at her question. She shared, so it's only fair that he does.]

I was born in space, on a station called the Ark. As far as we knew, Earth was uninhabitable and would be for decades. The Ark wasn't meant to keep thousands of people alive indefinitely, so we had to make things... stretch. Food, oxygen, water, all of it was rationed, and usually not fairly. We were all just trying to buy time until we could get back to the ground. About a year ago, someone found out that the life support systems were failing, so they dumped a hundred of us on Earth.

[He's not going to get into detail there. It's convoluted and not really the point.]

They didn't actually expect us to survive. They were just trying to cull some of the population to save oxygen for the rest.

[ As he knots her sleeve back up, she watches his effort with careful observation. He's using two hands, so there isn't much she can learn.

Stupid sleeve. Stupid arm. Stupid island!

Oh, and yeah -- ]

I'm sorry, I am having some trouble following.

[ Wait for it... ]

What is Earth?

Sorry.

[He was trying to simply the radiation parts for her and he didn't even consider the whole Earth thing.]

It's our planet. Our world.

[ He doesn't need to work hard to translate radiation into terms she can understand! Lucina's seen a world die first hand. ]

And, your leaders abandoned you to die.

[ SHE IS VERY AGAINST THAT

Seriously, this is a somewhat more savage Lucina here. ]

... why didn't they elect to go with you?

[ Likely, for the same reason she couldn't die with her people, despite wanting to. It's a naive question. ]

We were criminals, so they figured they could use the culling as a way to test Earth's survivability. If we died, it was collateral damage. I snuck on the dropship to be with my sister.

[He shrugs, sighs.]

There were still people living on the ground, though, and they weren't exactly happy to see us. Before the rest of the Ark came down to join us, we lost 52 people. More after that.

[ If they had options that didn't involve them praying, on their hands and knees, to a god that may or may not answer, spine bent to a wilt...

Well, Lucina can't really imagine what that's like. ]

I'm sorry, Bellamy. I know what it's like to lose your comrades.

[He nods a bit.]

I know. I'm not telling you this so that you feel bad for me. I'm telling you so that you understand I get it. You're not alone in any of this.

[ He tells her she's not alone. Her expression softens, easing in a way that it hasn't done since before Wednesday. ]

Thank you.

[ A smile. ]

You're very kind. I know this day wasn't easy on you, either.

[Bellamy nods again, fingers tracing the rock below them. Everyone keeps telling him how kind he is, how much he's helping, and it's been beginning to feel more and more like cheating. Like lying, at least to people like Lucina and Akira.]

I haven't always made the best decisions, Lucina.

And?

[ Mildly, she looks unimpressed with how gravely he makes his claim. ]

Do you think any of us here are blessed to know the right way to act in all situations? There's no "best".

You made a decision.

[ He took a step. Some people never do. He acts when is necessary, thinks about it later - but there isn't always only fault to be found in that. Whatever he did, it's the formative experiences of the young man in front of her -- someone who has repeatedly demonstrated kindness, despite his insistences otherwise. She's seen him with Nino, afteer all.

... Well. She saw him with Nino. Before. ]

You shouldn't feel like that, in itself, is unremarkable.

[Bellamy smiles wryly. Sometimes she really does sound like Clarke.]

I know it isn't remarkable. I don't deserve to have you think I'm infallible.

[He sighs.]

I know how people can get when they're scared and desperate. I don't want that happening here.

No one is infallible, Bellamy. Would you like to know how I know?

[ With her one remaining hand, she finds his back -- and shoves him bodily into the spring.

When he emerges, he'll only see her smile. ]

That's how.

Edited 2017-08-28 15:42 (UTC)

[Bellamy's guard is down, because this is the last thing he'd expect from Lucina, so in he goes. As soon as he surfaces, she's getting splashed.]

[ Somewhat in vain, she raises one arm to shield her eyes. ]

That was hardly very gentlemanly.

[ That said, she ends up splashing back, one hand just skimming the surface to toss a handful of water into his face. Through it all, her too-innocent smile never quite wavers, which is probably how you know she's down to cause trouble. ]

Edited 2017-08-29 00:12 (UTC)

[It's good to see her smile, so getting dunked is probably worth it. He rakes his hair out of his face.]

Good thing I'm not a gentleman.

Edited 2017-08-29 03:22 (UTC)

week three, sunday night

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