week two, thursday afternoon

[jettisons]

[Bellamy practically tears his way down to the beach from the oasis, heart in his throat. He's forcing himself to cling to the fact that it's too early for this, that Haru's body didn't disappear, that it doesn't make sense for this to be so different, but that doesn't wipe the image of Raven, throat slit, red bleeding into the rocks, out of his head.

It doesn't matter. He hasn't been this blind with panic since Roan took Clarke, since Octavia was locked out of the bunker. He's almost dizzy with it.]

Raven!

Comments

[hydrazine]

...People are hallucinating. Everyone has been acting like they did when they ate those nuts at camp.

[She doesn't make any motion to get him to let go. She's fine with staying like this as long as he needs.]

[jettisons]

[He sighs, low and long. Like they need any more chaos.]

Have you seen anything?

[hydrazine]

[She hesitates, falters.]

First, tell me what you're seeing.

[jettisons]

[God, how is he supposed to tell her this? She's dealing with enough, especially if she's got her own hallucinations to contend with, but he can't bring himself to dodge the question or lie to her, either. His voice is quiet and more hesitant when he finally forces himself to reply.]

Clarke. Octavia.

[He doesn't need to go into detail there, does he?]

I saw you by the oasis. I thought you were dead.

[hydrazine]

[A weak attempt at humor is almost on her lips: I'm too awesome to die two weeks in. The detail about Clarke stops that before it forms, though. She takes a deep breath in, and one long exhale, before she carefully reaches for his hand.]

We're both okay.

[By some definition of the week, at least. Physically, to be sure.]

[jettisons]

I know.

[He pulls back finally, but he doesn't go far. He tangles his fingers with hers and squeezes tight.]

What did you see?

[hydrazine]

[She hesitates again; she seems to be weighing something in her head. It takes her a few moments, but she seems to make up her mind. She won't lie to him now, not with the way he seems so vulnerable. Not with the way he had clung to her just a moment ago.

After all... Always.]

Nothing.

[jettisons]

[He frowns. Clearly, he isn't buying it.]

Raven.

[hydrazine]

[She shakes her head, takes in a breath.]

I'm not lying. I'm... Dammit.

[She glances up like she's trying to collect herself for a moment, before she makes eye contact with him.]

I wouldn't lie to you right now.

[jettisons]

[He squeezes her hand again, gentler this time. Honestly, he hopes she isn't hallucinating. She's had enough of that for a lifetime.]

So what's going on?

[hydrazine]

[She frowns, purses her lips.]

You aren't going to like that answer.

[jettisons]

It doesn't matter, Raven. Tell me.

[hydrazine]

I think I'm immune for a reason.

[She looks down to the ground.]

...He told everyone there was a role responsible for making sure someone dies each week, no matter what. Remember?

[jettisons]

[The correct thing to do here would be to respond immediately, to say something calming or comforting or both, but Bellamy can't. He just stares at her for a long moment.]

I remember. And that's you? Did you know from the beginning?

[hydrazine]

[She takes her own pause, shaking her head.]

Not from the beginning.

[Something about her tone suggests she didn't just find out, though.]

[jettisons]

How long?

[hydrazine]

...The Monday after we all got here.

[Almost unconsciously, she crosses her arms.]

[jettisons]

Why didn't you tell me?

[hydrazine]

I wanted to make sure with that nothing would happen to either of us if I told you. It took time to get that answer out of them.

[She sighs.]

[jettisons]

[He can't even fault her for that, but still.]

Raven, how are we supposed to watch each other's backs if you aren't telling me everything?

[hydrazine]

[She's sure she would be frustrated in his situation, but it doesn't stop her from getting defensive.]

How are we supposed to watch each other's backs if we both got killed because I didn't make sure it was safe?

[jettisons]

And if someone else found out and announced it at the trial before I knew? Then what?

[hydrazine]

[She shakes her head.]

I wouldn't have let that happen.

[jettisons]

How many times have we said that and had things go south anyway?

[hydrazine]

[An irritated noise, before she looks back to him.]

Too many times. That's exactly why I waited to tell you until I knew it was safe. What do you want me to say, Bellamy?