[ that is straight to the heart of an issue that he wasn't fully aware he had. maybe that's why he's so hung up on harry — on the idea of harry disappearing. 'cause he credits harry with everything he's become. bellamy's words make his stomach twist, not altogether unpleasantly, but it's not the sort of reassurance he hears often. ]
Yeah? [ eggsy can't imagine bellamy being like him, not with how he is now. i'm not proud, he says. eggsy files that away to ask after later. ] I dunno. [ He swallows. ] Guess that's just what I always do.
[ Ooooh, wow, standing without Bellamy is not as easy as it should be. Eggsy abruptly shifts to lean against the outer wall of the apartment. Better.
Briefly, he thinks about James coddling him after the ball, Thomas giving in to his pestering, Dutch pushing him through the door of his flat, Monty telling him exactly how one distracts themselves from being sad — getting utterly foxed with someone awfully pretty, wasn't it?
Why the actual fuck did he ring the one person who would make him deal with his problems again? (besides Harry, of course, but that was never an option). ]
Mate, I can barely stand. [ which is a bullshit answer, even if it's true. ] Control ain't the watchword. [ He moves to card a hand through his hair and knocks off his hat in the process. ] That's why I rang you instead of literally anyone else.
Thanks. [ oh, now he says thanks. He doesn’t move to go through the door, just looking at Bellamy for a minute. Too long probably. ] Because you do — this. You don’t let me just do stupid shit.
Like when I told you about the Madam’s experiment — drug test, I mean. [ experiment still sounds worse. ] Everyone else just, like, coddles me. Or, y’know, they’re all — [ He winks, embarrassing as ever. ] — but there’s no bullshit with you.
‘Course not. You’re fuckin’ — [ searching for the phrase, searching, seaching... he puts all of his (not insignificant) weight on bellamy for a second before he realises what he’s doing. ] — tough as nails. Yeah.
[ listen, he’s not all there right now, but he feels the shift. It’s hard to process presently, and he chalks part of it up to Clark being asleep nearby, yet — ]
What’d you mean?
[ As he sits, he catches Bellamy’s arm surprisingly gently. ]
[ It's a statement, though it ticks up at the end like a question. He realises he doesn't know altogether too much about Bellamy, which is slightly purposeful — he avoids too many personal questions, lest he start feeling like he owes people the same level of honesty (one he can't provide). ]
The Ark wasn't much better. Clarke and I had been on rations all our lives, until we got here.
[But the point isn't to make Eggsy feel bad for him.]
You're good with people, Eggsy. You put them at ease. You're tough, too, just in a different way than I am. [Bellamy hesitates, then clarifies:] A better way. You're not going to screw up.
[ Rations, Jesus Christ. He leans over to settle his head on Bellamy's shoulder. Maybe that's a bit needy, or a little reassuring. ]
God, Bellamy, you can't just say shit like that. [ About the Ark, about Eggsy. For his part, it's said with a resigned fondness. ] You sentimental twat.
[ that's "thanks, your respect means a lot to me." ]
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smh!!!!
Maybe it is. Who knows what the hell they're thinking.
[The Natha, he means.]
I'm sorry, Eggsy.
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Just don't fucking leave me, too, or I'll get a bloody ASBO without you.
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A what?
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[ still sad, still bitter, but perhaps a little distracted by the question. ]
You get it for public drunkenness, trespassing, knicking cars, starting fights — y'know, my everyday routine.
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S'not. Not anymore.
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[...Most things he's done, actually.]
All I've seen you do around here is help people. What makes you think you're going to slide back into who you used to be?
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Yeah? [ eggsy can't imagine bellamy being like him, not with how he is now. i'm not proud, he says. eggsy files that away to ask after later. ] I dunno. [ He swallows. ] Guess that's just what I always do.
[ He backslides. ]
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But that's not who you want to be, so what's got you so freaked out? You think it's out of your control?
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Briefly, he thinks about James coddling him after the ball, Thomas giving in to his pestering, Dutch pushing him through the door of his flat, Monty telling him exactly how one distracts themselves from being sad — getting utterly foxed with someone awfully pretty, wasn't it?
Why the actual fuck did he ring the one person who would make him deal with his problems again? (besides Harry, of course, but that was never an option). ]
Mate, I can barely stand. [ which is a bullshit answer, even if it's true. ] Control ain't the watchword. [ He moves to card a hand through his hair and knocks off his hat in the process. ] That's why I rang you instead of literally anyone else.
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Why's that?
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Like when I told you about the Madam’s experiment — drug test, I mean. [ experiment still sounds worse. ] Everyone else just, like, coddles me. Or, y’know, they’re all — [ He winks, embarrassing as ever. ] — but there’s no bullshit with you.
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Coddling's never fixed anything for me.
[And, since Eggsy still looks like he's about to keel over, Bellamy takes his arm again to lead him inside.]
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‘Course not. You’re fuckin’ — [ searching for the phrase, searching, seaching... he puts all of his (not insignificant) weight on bellamy for a second before he realises what he’s doing. ] — tough as nails. Yeah.
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Not that tough.
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What’d you mean?
[ As he sits, he catches Bellamy’s arm surprisingly gently. ]
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I'm only tough because the world I'm from didn't give me any choice.
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With sending you to the ground.
[ It's a statement, though it ticks up at the end like a question. He realises he doesn't know altogether too much about Bellamy, which is slightly purposeful — he avoids too many personal questions, lest he start feeling like he owes people the same level of honesty (one he can't provide). ]
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The Ark wasn't much better. Clarke and I had been on rations all our lives, until we got here.
[But the point isn't to make Eggsy feel bad for him.]
You're good with people, Eggsy. You put them at ease. You're tough, too, just in a different way than I am. [Bellamy hesitates, then clarifies:] A better way. You're not going to screw up.
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God, Bellamy, you can't just say shit like that. [ About the Ark, about Eggsy. For his part, it's said with a resigned fondness. ] You sentimental twat.
[ that's "thanks, your respect means a lot to me." ]
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It's not sentimental. It's the truth.
[But that's a lie. Bellamy is absolutely a sentimental twat.]
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Whatever. You're tough. [ a beat. ] And sentimental as shit.
[ which is pretty impressive, when the world forced him to be tough. Belatedly, Eggsy realises the same line of thinking applies to himself. ]
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Sounds like someone else I know.
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They sound handsome.
[ :') ]
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